Thur 28 August
Rock up to the club and bottletops is already at the bar. Racing hadn't been postponed yet, but was looking pretty likely. So the Dude tells me to go to the office if i feel like it, can always shoot from there back to the club quickly if required.
Racing never happened. Schweet, an off day and i was bricking it for the swell and wind too.
Get to the office and bossman tunes me I should go home and rest. He's been tuning the CEO that we have a national champion in our ranks, talk about stretching the truth. Thats all good and well, but would be nice if i was wanted somewhere.
Tomorrow is the last day, would be nice if we could clean up in at least one race. Then its party with a capital P.
Wed 27 august
Jislaaikit, what a kief day to be on a boat. Hardly any wind and lekker sunny. Pity we had to sit on a cramped boat all day and get shouted at everytime the windshifted. After sailing Bongo moved the braai from a miura onto our boat, next time its like this don't be alarmed if you see smoke coming off our stern.I was indeed feeling much better after downing a 2l crème soda before going to bed last night.
We had a bit of drama early on when we couldn't find the Twat, turns out he had indeed called in 'sick' and was in no state to sail. Not really his fault, throw unlimited free cocktails at a cheapskate like him and its always gonna end up at a police station or a hospital. The upside was we got the Dude's daughter on at short notice. Good for us, she just had enough time to pack a bikini and we indeed paraded the finest deck fluff in the fleet. Plenty of hint hint nudge nudges at Sparky, if the Dude knows whats going on he's hiding it really well.
Don't really know what went wrong today as the results don't reflect our rockstarness, once again everyone crowds around us at the start. Even Daddy's Impatience and the Onion Mistress, are we such startline gurus? We had a bit of a duel with Rod Knee from Team Evacuate for fifth last place on the second beat. Luckily we followed some schoolkids and served him solid as he got caught up in some traffic. Those kids really should be playing with their Xboxes, rather than making us look silly. Also went past those vaalies like they were looking for parking, serve them right for fluking it yesterday. We kicked butt and were boatspeeding like a muthertrucker past everyone, only to have this massive ship get in our way. Who the hell parks their boat in a racecourse anyway? Imagine if I parked my caravan on the Hockenheim track during the F1?
We get back to the club, and the word is that the huge ship was the Daddy's Impatience spectators boat. Well I suppose if you are winning the regatta then why not show off, we'd probably get the QE2 if we had as many bullets as them.
Jislaaikit, what a kief day to be on a boat. Hardly any wind and lekker sunny. Pity we had to sit on a cramped boat all day and get shouted at everytime the windshifted. After sailing Bongo moved the braai from a miura onto our boat, next time its like this don't be alarmed if you see smoke coming off our stern.I was indeed feeling much better after downing a 2l crème soda before going to bed last night.
We had a bit of drama early on when we couldn't find the Twat, turns out he had indeed called in 'sick' and was in no state to sail. Not really his fault, throw unlimited free cocktails at a cheapskate like him and its always gonna end up at a police station or a hospital. The upside was we got the Dude's daughter on at short notice. Good for us, she just had enough time to pack a bikini and we indeed paraded the finest deck fluff in the fleet. Plenty of hint hint nudge nudges at Sparky, if the Dude knows whats going on he's hiding it really well.
Don't really know what went wrong today as the results don't reflect our rockstarness, once again everyone crowds around us at the start. Even Daddy's Impatience and the Onion Mistress, are we such startline gurus? We had a bit of a duel with Rod Knee from Team Evacuate for fifth last place on the second beat. Luckily we followed some schoolkids and served him solid as he got caught up in some traffic. Those kids really should be playing with their Xboxes, rather than making us look silly. Also went past those vaalies like they were looking for parking, serve them right for fluking it yesterday. We kicked butt and were boatspeeding like a muthertrucker past everyone, only to have this massive ship get in our way. Who the hell parks their boat in a racecourse anyway? Imagine if I parked my caravan on the Hockenheim track during the F1?
We get back to the club, and the word is that the huge ship was the Daddy's Impatience spectators boat. Well I suppose if you are winning the regatta then why not show off, we'd probably get the QE2 if we had as many bullets as them.
Tuesday 26 August
Woke up on a couch staring at a green wall. In between the burning feeleing inside my skull I try to piece last night together. Get to about the seventh free sponsored Stella before Bongo comes in with remains of last nights bunny chow in one hand and a 2litre coke in the other. Really don't know how we gonna make it to friday at this pace.
Today looks light, shifty and lumpy - a real test of patience. I score two portions of the full cholesterol breakfast and a few cushions from the clubhouse, perfect preparations for a drifting day lying on a hot boat.
Sparky follows the District at the start, pity that everyone has the same idea of marking the hotshots. We even have a rough crowd swearing at us in Portuguese. Not that I speak Portuguese, but it was all in the inflection and hand signals. There seem to be more languages at this regatta than the Americas Cup.
There's wild switches up the first beat and we seem to tack everytime I get comfy. I have to take a slash halfway up off the back(maybe coffee number 5 was uncalled for), and there's a the all girls boat right next to us. Decency goes out the window in situations like this. Then the students on Chapstick rolled straight past us on the run, they have this dude with a blonde afro who tries to start a fight everytime we see him in the bar, can hear him snoring from the deck today.
Up at the front Daddy's Impatience have had it all their way, but the padler has been flown in from some worlds regatta in the states to drive the Onion Mistress. He jumps straight on the boat and they get the bullet – what a rockstar! He'll be swamped by fans tonight, as long as hes not babysitting. A bunch of vaalies manage to come second somehow by fluking every windshift. The grizzly seemed quite peeved with their third place, I hate to think the carnage if we got a top 3 in any race. Our big rivals the District must have got worried about us on the start line and get an OCS, maybe the Diggler just isn't used to the african sun anymore and couldn't see the line.
Back on the dock I see I have 7 misscalls – from my boss! Turns out I was on TV the other night, really shouldn't have tried to get away with calling in sick every morning. Hopefully they don't really need me at work, and he's just wishing me good luck.
Must admit, these promo girls are a welcome addition to the program, hey any girl in a skimpy outfit at a yacht club is bound to end in disaster. Lets try and avoid some tonight please.
Woke up on a couch staring at a green wall. In between the burning feeleing inside my skull I try to piece last night together. Get to about the seventh free sponsored Stella before Bongo comes in with remains of last nights bunny chow in one hand and a 2litre coke in the other. Really don't know how we gonna make it to friday at this pace.
Today looks light, shifty and lumpy - a real test of patience. I score two portions of the full cholesterol breakfast and a few cushions from the clubhouse, perfect preparations for a drifting day lying on a hot boat.
Sparky follows the District at the start, pity that everyone has the same idea of marking the hotshots. We even have a rough crowd swearing at us in Portuguese. Not that I speak Portuguese, but it was all in the inflection and hand signals. There seem to be more languages at this regatta than the Americas Cup.
There's wild switches up the first beat and we seem to tack everytime I get comfy. I have to take a slash halfway up off the back(maybe coffee number 5 was uncalled for), and there's a the all girls boat right next to us. Decency goes out the window in situations like this. Then the students on Chapstick rolled straight past us on the run, they have this dude with a blonde afro who tries to start a fight everytime we see him in the bar, can hear him snoring from the deck today.
Up at the front Daddy's Impatience have had it all their way, but the padler has been flown in from some worlds regatta in the states to drive the Onion Mistress. He jumps straight on the boat and they get the bullet – what a rockstar! He'll be swamped by fans tonight, as long as hes not babysitting. A bunch of vaalies manage to come second somehow by fluking every windshift. The grizzly seemed quite peeved with their third place, I hate to think the carnage if we got a top 3 in any race. Our big rivals the District must have got worried about us on the start line and get an OCS, maybe the Diggler just isn't used to the african sun anymore and couldn't see the line.
Back on the dock I see I have 7 misscalls – from my boss! Turns out I was on TV the other night, really shouldn't have tried to get away with calling in sick every morning. Hopefully they don't really need me at work, and he's just wishing me good luck.
Must admit, these promo girls are a welcome addition to the program, hey any girl in a skimpy outfit at a yacht club is bound to end in disaster. Lets try and avoid some tonight please.
Monday 25 Aug
Sjoe, now I know why I haven't sailed Lipton cup in a long time. It appears sir tom never spent an August in Cape Town. Froze my gazoonkas off out there in the lumpy seas. Bongo's turn to feed the fish as he was propping up the bar till late. Turns out the germans are actually from nam and hold their booze like real men. note to self:avoid german's and grapefruit schnapps at all costs.
There was a DSQ last night and we are immediately on the good side of the current w&nker line. That's like gaining five places in your sleep.
Had an incident on the startline and got tuned by some okes clearly from otherside of the curtain. We glared and shouted back on each tack and subsequent crossing, but then they disappeared before we could get any good chirps in.
Dropped the pole twice, wrapped the bag once and couldn't clip in quickly a few times. Appear to be more on my game when my head is aching. Of course got screamed at till the Dude went blue, or maybe he was hyperthermic. Never thought 5degrees was beer drinking weather.
The top guys disappeared again,looks like Daddy's Impatience, Onion mistress and the district have different boats to the rest of us. Draadkar and Dynamite Iodine have emerged from the pack to challenge them. Don't think I'll be drinking champers from the mug this year.
Sjoe, now I know why I haven't sailed Lipton cup in a long time. It appears sir tom never spent an August in Cape Town. Froze my gazoonkas off out there in the lumpy seas. Bongo's turn to feed the fish as he was propping up the bar till late. Turns out the germans are actually from nam and hold their booze like real men. note to self:avoid german's and grapefruit schnapps at all costs.
There was a DSQ last night and we are immediately on the good side of the current w&nker line. That's like gaining five places in your sleep.
Had an incident on the startline and got tuned by some okes clearly from otherside of the curtain. We glared and shouted back on each tack and subsequent crossing, but then they disappeared before we could get any good chirps in.
Dropped the pole twice, wrapped the bag once and couldn't clip in quickly a few times. Appear to be more on my game when my head is aching. Of course got screamed at till the Dude went blue, or maybe he was hyperthermic. Never thought 5degrees was beer drinking weather.
The top guys disappeared again,looks like Daddy's Impatience, Onion mistress and the district have different boats to the rest of us. Draadkar and Dynamite Iodine have emerged from the pack to challenge them. Don't think I'll be drinking champers from the mug this year.
Sun 24 aug
Nice sunny day with a westerly predicted, good thing we were lank disorganised and left ages after everyone. They drifted out and hung around for a while until the predicted wind settled in. Who designs boats where it takes half an hour to get the engine on and going?! If we got there any earlier, we might have moved onto the second slab before the start. Even I think that's a bit excessive.
There's some serious checking out going on at the startline as we cruise up and down the whole time waiting. Being a sunday, also probably the only time there'll be any hotties on spectator boats. We all took turns with the binocs scoping out the scene on Blunderchild, disappointing case of nice from far, far from......
They set a course with a monster wide start line, probably due to the amount of hackers in the entrylist. The raucous students caused some chaos by reversing on the line. Big Willy managed to manouver Chapstick through the traffic, but we never saw him again. We got off well, only to see there's indeed some boats over. Very tense as we had to listen on the radio for the sailnumbers of those over, not easy when the Dude is jumping up and down and screaming.
Thought we were going smoking well as Daddy's Impatience was coming downwind towards us. Turns out it was just one of their spinnakers on a dog old thirty square, the thing looked miles better than our pokey bag. Things got quite tense round the first mark, but we have some loud units on the boat and all around us kept their distance or got out of the way.
The race spread out along the way with the top three quite a way ahead and we had a few battles with the boats around us. The one boat was screaming at us in german, good ploy as we backed off from that stuff pretty quickly.
By the way my work round the mast was impeccable today, with every hoist and drop in double quick time. Not one thank you, tough week ahead indeed.
It appears the w&nker line is pretty close to the front this year, but with a bit more luck we should be the otherside of it come friday.
Had to make up an excuse of going to church just to get home early for once, am absolutely shot from all that sitting in the sun drinking beer whilst waiting for the race to start.
Mom phoned to say she saw me on tv, didn't realise SABC news was interested in our little yacht race - must get hold of my agent to leverage my exposure.
Nice sunny day with a westerly predicted, good thing we were lank disorganised and left ages after everyone. They drifted out and hung around for a while until the predicted wind settled in. Who designs boats where it takes half an hour to get the engine on and going?! If we got there any earlier, we might have moved onto the second slab before the start. Even I think that's a bit excessive.
There's some serious checking out going on at the startline as we cruise up and down the whole time waiting. Being a sunday, also probably the only time there'll be any hotties on spectator boats. We all took turns with the binocs scoping out the scene on Blunderchild, disappointing case of nice from far, far from......
They set a course with a monster wide start line, probably due to the amount of hackers in the entrylist. The raucous students caused some chaos by reversing on the line. Big Willy managed to manouver Chapstick through the traffic, but we never saw him again. We got off well, only to see there's indeed some boats over. Very tense as we had to listen on the radio for the sailnumbers of those over, not easy when the Dude is jumping up and down and screaming.
Thought we were going smoking well as Daddy's Impatience was coming downwind towards us. Turns out it was just one of their spinnakers on a dog old thirty square, the thing looked miles better than our pokey bag. Things got quite tense round the first mark, but we have some loud units on the boat and all around us kept their distance or got out of the way.
The race spread out along the way with the top three quite a way ahead and we had a few battles with the boats around us. The one boat was screaming at us in german, good ploy as we backed off from that stuff pretty quickly.
By the way my work round the mast was impeccable today, with every hoist and drop in double quick time. Not one thank you, tough week ahead indeed.
It appears the w&nker line is pretty close to the front this year, but with a bit more luck we should be the otherside of it come friday.
Had to make up an excuse of going to church just to get home early for once, am absolutely shot from all that sitting in the sun drinking beer whilst waiting for the race to start.
Mom phoned to say she saw me on tv, didn't realise SABC news was interested in our little yacht race - must get hold of my agent to leverage my exposure.
Sat 23 august
Raced like a mofo from BJ's flat to Lipton opening ceremony. Good thing I left ten minutes from the end as it was cutting it fine, but I hope we sail better than snor's springboks have been playing rugby.
Opening ceremony was fun, even if it did look like all the northvaal teams couldn't find an ultracity on the drive down and used their containers instead. I got given my team t-shirt so we all looked pro and well, like a team should. It appears the other foredeck must have gone back to school or something as its only four sizes too small (but I still got sh@t on for the side seams splitting – gonna be a looooong week indeed).
We got some sick jackets with the entry, problem is everyone is wearing them now so it looks like we're on a junior school hockey tour – but still beats my drimac. Free booze at the bar was cool, because we didn't even have to sail to get it. Early night as we have six important days of racing coming up from tomorrow, the Latvian girls hadn't even come out by the time we went home.
Raced like a mofo from BJ's flat to Lipton opening ceremony. Good thing I left ten minutes from the end as it was cutting it fine, but I hope we sail better than snor's springboks have been playing rugby.
Opening ceremony was fun, even if it did look like all the northvaal teams couldn't find an ultracity on the drive down and used their containers instead. I got given my team t-shirt so we all looked pro and well, like a team should. It appears the other foredeck must have gone back to school or something as its only four sizes too small (but I still got sh@t on for the side seams splitting – gonna be a looooong week indeed).
We got some sick jackets with the entry, problem is everyone is wearing them now so it looks like we're on a junior school hockey tour – but still beats my drimac. Free booze at the bar was cool, because we didn't even have to sail to get it. Early night as we have six important days of racing coming up from tomorrow, the Latvian girls hadn't even come out by the time we went home.
Sunday 17 aug:
Was first at the boat today, but only because I woke up on it. You'd think it would be impossible to sleep on a damp L26 main. Not a clue how I got there, but the burning babbelaas is a reminder why I can't. Mom always told me not to mix my drinks, but not sure what you supposed to do when they are all free and literally thrown at you.
Didn't mess up any spinnaker hoists or sets today, mainly because I was lashed to the stern guardrail and fed fish for the majority of the day. Reassuring to know that the twat also knows how to handle a bag and Bongo sorted out all the lines. Plenty of talk of me being dead weight on the boat, just wait till the breeze kicks up.
Hot news is that Sparky hooked up with the dude's daughter last night. The rest of us have been sworn to secrecy, God help us the day he finds out – first keel hauling on an L26 no doubt, long way to swim ashore
Starting to gel together more and the results were way better, the Dude said we should have done more training this year. Thank Moses I joined late, any more training and i'd be going to AA meetings.
After sailing we sat down and went through all the things that need fixing. We had to stop at page 1, but it looks like i'm stuck with a noodle for a spinnaker pole and WD40 is going to fix a bent beak. schweet. Bongo has a tough week of boatbitching ahead indeed.
Was first at the boat today, but only because I woke up on it. You'd think it would be impossible to sleep on a damp L26 main. Not a clue how I got there, but the burning babbelaas is a reminder why I can't. Mom always told me not to mix my drinks, but not sure what you supposed to do when they are all free and literally thrown at you.
Didn't mess up any spinnaker hoists or sets today, mainly because I was lashed to the stern guardrail and fed fish for the majority of the day. Reassuring to know that the twat also knows how to handle a bag and Bongo sorted out all the lines. Plenty of talk of me being dead weight on the boat, just wait till the breeze kicks up.
Hot news is that Sparky hooked up with the dude's daughter last night. The rest of us have been sworn to secrecy, God help us the day he finds out – first keel hauling on an L26 no doubt, long way to swim ashore
Starting to gel together more and the results were way better, the Dude said we should have done more training this year. Thank Moses I joined late, any more training and i'd be going to AA meetings.
After sailing we sat down and went through all the things that need fixing. We had to stop at page 1, but it looks like i'm stuck with a noodle for a spinnaker pole and WD40 is going to fix a bent beak. schweet. Bongo has a tough week of boatbitching ahead indeed.
Lipton diaries 16 Aug
Saturday 16 Aug:
Dear Diary
Woke up with a monster hangover. Must go to RCYC AGM next year and put in a motion to ban jagerbombs. We ended the training at Mavericks ( i like the size of the entertainment budget on this campaign!), and i must admit that if Bongo can sort out the topping lift as quickly as he can pop a buffalo under a bra strap then I will have an easy week indeed.
Looks like the boat has not been properly sailed in a while (maybe even since a regatta last August) and the 'to-do list' is longer than golden's boy. Think the guys have been slumming it on big boats impressing chicks. Of course everything going wrong is totally my fault. No one would claim responsibility for packing the bag, but I must learn how to tie a bowline blind again when four people are screaming at you in three different languages.
The Dude is our skipper/owner and has the dead easy job of main. The problem is he always has a hand free to point whilst he shouts and it appears that this is not a dry boat. I think his wife gives him grief ashore and he just loves getting his own back and bossing us around. When we're not screwing up or looking at most of the fleet ahead of us, he's a very cool bloke. I'd hate to know how much of his company's cash he's sunk into this campaign. Forgot that even little boats cost $$$$'s.
We hacked in the first race, lost about five places with a Kate Moss hourglass, but it looks like Sparky knows how to steer a boat when he puts his mind to it. Things got better, but the wind was pretty light and shifty. Not ideal hangover recovery stuff, not turning down the bacon and eggs breakfast next time.
The talk on the dockside is all about these new genoas (they all look crap to me anyway). Grizzly the skipper from Daddy's Impatience is super bleak about them indeed. Will they really make a difference only time will tell, but some of these okes are taking it uber serious.
Looks like the boys from Redlight (otherwise just known as 'the district') are sailing six up. Don't know how they make the weight limit with Jerry Collins on the team. They think they smoking hot just because they get crew in from faraway places like london and simonstown ( but they will probably kick our asses).
Just when i thought we could have a nice quiet evening we end up at Mavericks again, it appears they have even kept a table for us now.
Dear Diary
Woke up with a monster hangover. Must go to RCYC AGM next year and put in a motion to ban jagerbombs. We ended the training at Mavericks ( i like the size of the entertainment budget on this campaign!), and i must admit that if Bongo can sort out the topping lift as quickly as he can pop a buffalo under a bra strap then I will have an easy week indeed.
Looks like the boat has not been properly sailed in a while (maybe even since a regatta last August) and the 'to-do list' is longer than golden's boy. Think the guys have been slumming it on big boats impressing chicks. Of course everything going wrong is totally my fault. No one would claim responsibility for packing the bag, but I must learn how to tie a bowline blind again when four people are screaming at you in three different languages.
The Dude is our skipper/owner and has the dead easy job of main. The problem is he always has a hand free to point whilst he shouts and it appears that this is not a dry boat. I think his wife gives him grief ashore and he just loves getting his own back and bossing us around. When we're not screwing up or looking at most of the fleet ahead of us, he's a very cool bloke. I'd hate to know how much of his company's cash he's sunk into this campaign. Forgot that even little boats cost $$$$'s.
We hacked in the first race, lost about five places with a Kate Moss hourglass, but it looks like Sparky knows how to steer a boat when he puts his mind to it. Things got better, but the wind was pretty light and shifty. Not ideal hangover recovery stuff, not turning down the bacon and eggs breakfast next time.
The talk on the dockside is all about these new genoas (they all look crap to me anyway). Grizzly the skipper from Daddy's Impatience is super bleak about them indeed. Will they really make a difference only time will tell, but some of these okes are taking it uber serious.
Looks like the boys from Redlight (otherwise just known as 'the district') are sailing six up. Don't know how they make the weight limit with Jerry Collins on the team. They think they smoking hot just because they get crew in from faraway places like london and simonstown ( but they will probably kick our asses).
Just when i thought we could have a nice quiet evening we end up at Mavericks again, it appears they have even kept a table for us now.
Lipton diaries 15 Aug
Fri 15 Aug
Dear Diary
So I got a phone call out the blue. Apparently my reputation precedes me and I'm wanted for a Lipton Team! I asked the skip if i was first on their list. Turns out that of the people available who can drop everything for a week's sailing I am number three. But numbers one and two don't answer their phones, so i'm in! I asked if my ability to drink truckloads had anything to do with it, and apparently it doesn't.
I haven't sailed in this regatta for a while, and I had to lie about my experience on the foredeck too. I normally only go past the mast when i'm doing my Titanic impression or checking out dolphins. Lets just hope it doesn't get too windy.
We have western province champs this week-end, so i had to cancel all my plans at last minute to go sailing. Yoga with tjoppie(damn),rugby with the girls(damn damn),tea with mom(thank moses) – that sort of stuff.
I went to the RCYC bar (where else) to meet the guys and get together. Turns out we all know each other from, well drinking at the RCYC bar. They were all looking a tad bit disappointed to see that it was me, must be that they were expecting a hot chick. There was talk of scraping a barrel, but all we did was empty those damn draught glasses. They all talk like a winning team, but drink like mid pack hackers. Mind you Dopey from the defending champs Daddy's Impatience was there too till late, that kid can put them away. Maybe our barside training plan will work.
Dear Diary
So I got a phone call out the blue. Apparently my reputation precedes me and I'm wanted for a Lipton Team! I asked the skip if i was first on their list. Turns out that of the people available who can drop everything for a week's sailing I am number three. But numbers one and two don't answer their phones, so i'm in! I asked if my ability to drink truckloads had anything to do with it, and apparently it doesn't.
I haven't sailed in this regatta for a while, and I had to lie about my experience on the foredeck too. I normally only go past the mast when i'm doing my Titanic impression or checking out dolphins. Lets just hope it doesn't get too windy.
We have western province champs this week-end, so i had to cancel all my plans at last minute to go sailing. Yoga with tjoppie(damn),rugby with the girls(damn damn),tea with mom(thank moses) – that sort of stuff.
I went to the RCYC bar (where else) to meet the guys and get together. Turns out we all know each other from, well drinking at the RCYC bar. They were all looking a tad bit disappointed to see that it was me, must be that they were expecting a hot chick. There was talk of scraping a barrel, but all we did was empty those damn draught glasses. They all talk like a winning team, but drink like mid pack hackers. Mind you Dopey from the defending champs Daddy's Impatience was there too till late, that kid can put them away. Maybe our barside training plan will work.
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